A Trip to the Grocery Store
I drove to the grocery store at 7am the other morning, hoping to avoid the crowds. A lot of other people had the same idea, but things were manageable, and there were even fresh bananas in the produce section. It seems that bananas have become as hot a commodity as toilet paper and paper towels.
Even writing about a trip to the grocery store makes me feel anxious if I am honest. I don’t like going right now. It feels strange and the looks on people’s faces weigh on me. I want to trust the Lord during this unsettling time and really live my faith, but as I watch people stockpiling and feel the temptation to fill my own cart with more than I need, I have to ask myself…am I living what I say I believe? Do I really trust that the Lord will provide?
I prayed as I walked down the pasta aisle and passed a young woman who was filling her cart with more mac and cheese, pasta and sauce than I have seen in a long time. My gaze moved from her cart to her face, and I had to remind myself not to stare. She looked disheveled, as many of us do right now; her eyes were open wide, darting back and forth quickly as she scanned the shelves trying to figure out what to choose. Her lips were tightly pursed as her hands white knuckled her cart; she was on a mission. She seemed to be in her own world, and we never made eye contact. I wish I could have at least smiled at her, to not feel so useless as I watched her, but I just kept walking and added her to my prayers.
I created a story about her in my head: She is an overwhelmed mom with several young children who are starting to get restless. She isn’t sure how she will entertain them for one more hour and the one day she actually took a shower and had a moment to herself, she cried. She doesn’t want to play another game of Go Fish and she worries as she feels her temper rising closer and closer to the surface. Her husband is home more because his hours were cut at work and his stress adds to hers. She can’t even think about their finances without her heart rate escalating. The only thing that made her feel better was to fill her cart with as much pasta and mac and cheese as possible just in case. But even that didn’t help.
I think a lot of moms feel that way. I think a lot of us, whether we are moms or not, are struggling with anxiety. The unknown. And in this case, the known, which can feel overwhelming.
I got home from the store and opened my bible. Psalm 121. I read the first verse:
I lift my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from?
It felt easy to stop there and allow my anxious thoughts to take over. Where does the help come from? What are the answers? How do we solve this? What are we going to do?
It was good for me to keep reading.
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
It is important for us to really breathe in His truth right now, to speak His truth to ourselves and each other. To pray through His word over and over again.
He will not let your foot slip – He who watches over you will not slumber
Our Lord doesn’t slumber or sleep.
If you aren’t sleeping well right now, I am praying you will remember this.
There are so many truths we can pray from God’s word right now. We need to speak truth to ourselves. We need to speak it to each other.
If you are feeling like the woman at the grocery store, I pray you might open the Bible, find a Psalm* and process with the Lord about all you are feeling. He knows all we are struggling with and I find that it helps to tell Him. Scrolling through the news for hours isn’t helping me but taking time to pray as much as possible is making a difference.
If that feels impossible to you right now, will you let a friend know you what you are feeling? Will you speak it out loud to them so that they can walk with you during this time? We may not be able to be together physically, but as one friend of mine said, we can still walk together emotionally and spiritually.
Grace, peace and love to you today.
*here are several verses that I have found to be helpful as I wrestle and pray.
· Romans 8:38-39
· Psalm 46:10
· Psalm 23
· Isaiah 41:10, 13
· Psalm 62:5-8